


And You Save Me

by thisdorkyficthing



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Music, Loki POV, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-02
Updated: 2013-03-30
Packaged: 2017-11-13 10:07:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/502336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisdorkyficthing/pseuds/thisdorkyficthing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ikol was sitting on a shelf, giving Loki a look. “He was being rude. And I don’t like the way he looks at me.” Ikol tilted his head slightly. “What do you know, you’re a cat.” He walked to the kitchen, and began preparing his coffee, since there was no use in trying to go to sleep again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Loki’s alarm clock startled him out of a dreamless sleep with it’s shrill buzz. He laid there, letting it repeatedly jerk his brain from its sleepy haze until he finally reached over and flicked it off. Four paws hopped onto his shoulder and perched there. Whiskers tickled the side of his face and he groaned.

“Get off, Ikol.” He heard a soft mew in his ear.

He groaned again and pulled the blanket around him more tightly.

He doesn’t want to get up. He doesn’t want to be around people. Hell, he doesn’t want to be around himself. He wants to stay in this bed all day and sleep. To wallow. It’s all he’s good for.

A swipe of a few claws on his ear jolted him from his thoughts. He pushed his cat off him and finally got up. His knee creaked and his leg ached down to the long healed, but forever marred bone.

It’s going to rain today, he thinks.

He took a long shower, used every ounce of hot water until his skin turns bright red and he feels overheated. Then he let the water get icy cold, shivering as his skin went back to pink. He ran a finger down the long scar on his forearm, shuddering as the memory floods his mind as if it had just happened yesterday. He shut his eyes tightly and stuck his face under the stream of water until it goes numb.

He finally stepped out of the shower and threw a towel over the mirror before going on with his daily routine.

He started doing that after the accident. He couldn’t stand looking at himself, everything in the mirror reminded him of what he did. So, he would throw a towel over it, avoid looking at windows when he walked down the street or anything that was reflective. He had gotten good at it too. He had no idea of how dark the circles around his eyes were or how jagged and uneven the bottom of his inky black hair was. Nor did he have to see the sadness that seemed to seep from his pores now.

He twisted his wet hair into a bun at the nape of his neck and walked out of his bathroom. Ikol sat in the middle of the kitchenette, patiently waiting for his breakfast. Loki obediently poured some dry food into the small bowl before starting his coffee. He rubbed his eyes as he listened to the machine groan to life. He rubbed harder, seeing if he could finally rub the permanent sleepy ache from his body through them. The coffee maker dinged and he sighed, grabbing a mug from the nearby cabinet and pouring the steaming liquid into it. He drank it black, the bitter taste and heat was oddly comforting.

He stood there for a few minutes, letting his thoughts go everywhere and nowhere at once, soaking up the silence of the room, save for the crunching of cat food in Ikol’s mouth.

Eventually he snapped himself out of his trance, poured out the coffee into the sink and went to finish getting ready for work. He pulled out black slacks and a black long sleeve t-shirt from his closet. Ikol sits on his bed and watches him silently, bright green eyes following him constantly.

“It’s gonna rain a lot today. I feel it.” His knee ached more as he hoisted his pants up. Ikol tilted his head at him. He pulled the t-shirt over his head and a few damp hairs fall out of his bun and lay on his face, skimming his sharp jaw.

He sat down on the bed and put his shoes on slowly. He scratchds Ikol’s head for a moment before getting up and walking around his apartment, making sure he'd have everything he’d need for the day. He set out water for Ikol, grabbed his keys and walked out the door. 

His landlord steps out of the empty apartment across from him just as he finishes locking the door.

“Morning.” He said as pleasantly as he could.

“Good morning, Loki. Finally got someone to rent this apartment, you’re gonna have a new neighbor tomorrow!” The man boasted.

Loki smiled and nodded before walking down the hall. He took the stairs two at a time and he made it down the three floors quickly. He nods to the unofficial doorman of the building, a man who goes by “H” and has lived here longer than anyone can remember. He’s always sitting at the door and seems to know everything that happens to the building’s tenants, which is unsettling when Loki thinks about it for too long.

He walks out the door and into the packed sidewalk, dodging people texting and talking on their cellphones, mothers pushing strollers, business men who probably think they’re more important than they actually are. Loki walks fast, wanting to get to his spot in the kitchen of the dingey restaurant he works at, deep in the back, in the shadows. He likes that people don’t seem to really notice him. A tall, older man’s shoulder meets his roughly, the man keeps walking as if he hadn’t just walked into someone.

Yes, Loki liked the shadows. It’s where he belonged.

-

Loki arrived at the restaurant, entering through the back entrance that lead right into the kitchen, it was hot and muggy already since the other cooks had started making the food for the day. He slipped on his apron and got to work, chopping vegetables for the soup of the day.

The day went by painfully slow, Loki continued to chop and stir and wish that he was curled up in bed. His arms hurt. His leg hurt. He sat down on a stool and rubbed his knee. He just wished the day would go by faster.

At some point, one of the waitresses, looking tired and stressed came up to him.

“Loki, can you serve a few tables? Darcy just got sick and we’re in the middle of a rush.”

“Why not ask one of the other cooks?” He snapped at her.

She looked at him desperately and gestured to the other two men, both swarthy and sweating through their white undershirts. Loki sighed and stood up. “Fine.”

Relief washed over the young woman, thanking Loki profusely and telling him the tables he would be serving before running back out into the restaurant. He grabbed the plates meant for one of the tables and brought them out on a platter. The table had four loud men sitting at it, they laughed and joked with each other as he set their plates down.

One of the men, blonde, with a silly looking goatee, looked at Loki with confused expression. “Hey, were did our waitress D... Daria? Where’d she go?”

“Darcy. She’s sick and had to go home. You’re stuck with me now.” He said flatly. The men chuckled and Loki notices the other blond at the table has been staring at him since he came up. He glanced at the man, who grinned at him. Loki mumbles something about coming back in a little while and quickly walked away.

_“Always a sucker for a pretty face, eh, Thor?”_

_“Shut up.”_

Loki served Darcy’s other tables and eventually made it back to that table. The blond man watches Loki, grinning whenever Loki dared to look at him. Loki brushed it off. The men thankfully don’t linger long and leave a generous tip. 

The day finally ended and Loki could cry from relief. He rushed out as fast as possible and is happy to be met with a dark, rainy evening. The rain drops are fat and cold and they land hard on Loki. He relaxed as the cold drops washed the sweat and grease of his day away. He walked fast and thinks of what he’ll do when he gets home, repeats it in his head like mantra. Shower, read, sleep. Shower, read, sleep.

By the time he arrived home he’s sopping wet and his knee aches sharply. He gets in his apartment and peels off his wet clothes, leaving them strewn about. He starts the shower and pops a few aspirin from the bottle sitting on the sink, stepping in when steam billows from the shower curtain. He repeats his morning ritual and his skin is still pink when he steps out. Ikol sits on the edge of the sink, idly licking a black paw while Loki dries off and brushes his teeth.

He stays naked, grabbing a book and taking it with him to his bed. He reads until he falls asleep, Ikol curled against his side.

—-

He woke up to the sound of thumping outside his apartment. Loki looked over to the clock, it’s only 8:15am. Ikol stares at the front door from his spot on the corner of Loki’s bed. The thumping got louder and then there’s a shout. Loki decided to investigate, throwing on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt as the thumping continues.

He swung the door open and nearly shouted at the man carrying a large box on one shoulder, kicking another box and knocking it over(there’s the thumping). “Do you realize how fucking early it is?” He leaned against the doorway and waited for a response.

The man turned and his grin was far too big for a someone who was about to get cursed out. Loki remembers all of a sudden, it’s the blond man that kept _looking_ at him from the day before. Loki feels frazzled by this for some reason he can't pinpoint right now.

“You were my waiter yesterday!” The man said happily and holds out his free hand to Loki. “I’m Thor. Small world, huh?”

Loki took his hand, shook it twice and let go. “Little too small, sometimes.” He was staring at Loki again, grinning stupidly. Loki stood there for a moment, glaring at the other man slightly. Thor was about to say something but Loki turned and slammed the door shut.

Ikol was sitting on a shelf, giving Loki a look. “He was being rude. And I don’t like the way he looks at me.” Ikol tilted his head slightly. “What do you know, you’re a cat.” He walked to the kitchen, and began preparing his coffee, since there was no use in trying to go to sleep again.

The day went by slowly, the sounds of Thor moving in filling his usually silent apartment. There was laughter, probably Thor’s friends helping him move in and more thumping. Eventually Loki had had enough and decided he needed to go out and get something to eat. Or just get away. He grabbed his keys and wallet and stomped out of his apartment. And right into Thor’s overly muscled back.

Thor turned and grinned at him again. Loki fought the urge to roll his eyes at him and backed up a couple steps. The other blond man smiled at him then at Thor, quirking an eyebrow at the back of his head.

“Hi…” Thor chirps out, and Loki squirms a bit under Thor’s scrutiny. He crosses his arms and shifts the weight from foot to foot. Thor finally breaks his gaze away from Loki and back to his friend. “Fandral, this is my new neighbor…” He looks back at Loki with a confused expression.

“Loki.” He said flatly.

“Loki!” Thor slapped a huge mitt of a hand on Loki’s bony shoulder and Loki cringed.

“Yeah, I remember you from yesterday. No _wonder_ Thor has been so excited today.” Thor jabbed him in the ribs with his elbow, but the other man just laughed a little. Loki looked at the two quizzically for a second, before shaking his head. He didn't need this.

Loki ducked out of Thor’s grip and began walking quickly down the hall. “Sorry, but I must be going now. Guess I’ll see you around.” He practically ran into the stairway, groaning internally at the new annoyance to his life.

_“I don’t think your flirting is working, Thor.”_

_“Shut. Up.”_


	2. Chapter 2

In the weeks since Thor has moved into the apartment across from Loki, he has figured out a few things about the man.

One, Thor is easily the happiest person to ever exist, much to Loki's annoyance. Two, Thor has a LOT of friends who he has over often and tend to be loud and a bit rowdy, which annoys Loki even more. Three, Thor seems to be completely oblivious to Loki's annoyance with him and keeps attempting to befriend him. Or something.

That's why Loki did not hold back the groan that bubbled up when he walked out the door one morning at the same time as Thor, again(Loki swears Ikol has begun hiding his keys, he doesn't want to think too long on the implications that that thought brings up). Thor's grin is as big as ever and Loki can  _feel_  it on his back. 

When Thor looks at Loki it feels like a spotlight has been set on him, there's no hiding. He feels naked and exposed under the man's gaze and Loki hates it. He has no idea what it is about Thor that makes him feel that way and that's what annoys him most about Thor. How can someone make him feel completely exposed with just a look. And why is that someone  _Thor_.

"Morning, Loki!" Thor is, of course, willingly oblivious to Loki's groan.

"Morning," he grumbled, turning from his door without so much as glancing at Thor. He tried his best to walk faster than Thor, but he keeps pace with Loki easily. He stayed at Loki's side even when they get into the building's cramped stairway, his hard, muscled shoulder bumping into Loki's sharper, bony one. Thor chats incessantly about nothing, Loki tuned him out.

When they finally made it to the first floor bright sunshine is pouring in from the windows and doors, H is sitting quietly in his chair, not even acknowledging their presence.

"Care for a ride to work?" Thor's smile managed to be brighter than morning sun and before Loki has a chance to turn Thor down he feels himself being pulled out the front doors.

He swore he saw H smirk.

Thor dragged him outside and around the building into the alley which is when Loki finally notices the big, red helmet in Thor's hand. He wonders how the hell he missed a detail like  _that_  and tries in vain to release himself from Thor's grip.

"No. Nonononono. I don't ride motorcycles.  _No_."

Thor let him go and ripped the tarp off the motorcycle before turning to Loki again. The deep red shimmered in the sun that leaked between the buildings and the silver lightening bolt painted on it almost glows against it.

"Aww, come on Loki, it'll be fun." He pushes the helmet against Loki's chest, holding it there until Loki slowly grabs it. Loki looks at his watch, he'd be late for work (for the third day  _this week_ ) if he walked there now and he doesn't have enough money for cab fare. He cursed Ikol internally and walked up to Thor, who sits on his motorcycle, paitently waiting. 

"Just this once. Because I don't have enough money for a cab." Thor nodded and started the motorcycle up, the loud rumbling intensified by the brick walls of the two buildings. Loki huffed and shoves his head into the helmet before carefully getting on behind Thor, making sure he and Thor do not touch.

"Unless you want to fall off, you're gonna have to hang on to me!" Thor had to yell over the rumbling and, begrudgingly, Loki grabs Thor's shoulders.

Then Thor suddenly peels out,  _without so much as a warning_ , and without even thinking Loki has himself wrapped around Thor and clinging on for dear life. Thor weaved around cars and cabs and Loki made it to work in record time.

That thought did not comfort Loki or make his stomach stop doing flips when they finally stopped in front of the restaurant. He practically jumped off, ripping the helmet off and chucking at Thor, who caught it easily,  _the asshole_. 

"Are you fucking crazy!? Do you have fucking deathwish!?" A startled old woman carefully walked around Loki on the sidewalk.

Thor looked confused. "No? I was just... Have you ever ridden a motorcycle before?"

" _No!_ " He should probably stop shouting. People were looking. "Why does that even matter!?" 

Thor chuckled and shook his head. "Well, it is a bit more intense than a car, but you weren't going to get killed, Loki."

Loki growled and turned, stomping into the restaurant and doing his best to ignore the faces that were turned to him. He heard the motorcycle rev up again and shoot off. He quickly hides himself away in the corner of the kitchen, chopping and mixing food angrily, imagining all the things he would  _scream_  at Thor tonight when he saw him when got home(of course he would see him, Thor was  _always right fucking_   _there_ ).

As he was chopping up a carrot, he became lost in a particularly satisfying fantasy where he slapped the grin off Thor's face and sliced open his forefinger. He hissed as the cut burned and bleed profusely. He held it tightly in his other hand as he went to the backroom to find the first aid kit and mend himself back together. He cursed Thor twice as hard and promised himself that he would slap him as soon as he saw him.

\---

His walk home was an interesting experience. Instead of how he usually blended into the background and got walked into and ignored, people looked at him. People moved out of his way. Thor had ripped him out of the shadows and put a spotlight on him. His blood boiled. He walked faster down the street. People looked afraid of him. Part of him wanted to laugh, the other wanted to cry. 

He tromped up the stairs quickly and when he made it to his floor he was surprised, and angered, to see it empty. Thor was always out here, but the one fucking time Loki wanted him to be out here, he wasn't. Loki wanted to tear his hair out.

He had his key shoved into the lock when Thor decided to poke his stupid head out the door and greet Loki. The  _idiot_.

Loki spun on his heel and growled at the smiling man. "You _ruined_  my day."

Thor stepped out and opened his mouth to say something but Loki slapped him hard before he had the chance to get a syllable out. Thor looked at him with wide, shocked eyes.

"Shut up! Just shut up! And leave me alone! I don't want to be one of your goddamned friends. And honestly, I don't get why you keep trying. Have I not made it clear enough? Do I need to write it on my forehead? 'THOR: I DO NOT LIKE YOU. LEAVE ME ALONE.' Would  _that_  be clear enough for you? Or would a flashing neon sign be preferable? I don't want to be friends, Thor... I don't need anyone!" Loki turned and opened his door, stomping inside and slamming the door shut behind him without so much as a glance at the dejected look on Thor's face. He practically running to his bed and flopping face first into it.

_"I... I just like you..."_

\---

_Loki's hands are wrapped around the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles are white. Confusion, anger, betrayal flow through his blood and all he can hear is his heartbeat in his ears. Snowflakes drift down slowly onto the nearly pitch black road before him. Another pair of headlights come towards him._

_He notices the patch of ice far too late to stop what happens._

_There's the sound of metal scrapping against metal. Screeching, crunching, snapping. Screaming. Airbags deploy and everything goes dark._

_Loki opens his eyes and they sting as blood drips into them. He blinks a few times and tries to move. Pain sparks up the most from his leg. He looks down. It's smashed between the seat and the dashboard. His arm is flayed open and bleeding.  He's covered in scratches and bruises, shards of glass sparkle in the dim light of a broken headlight. He looks back up._

_The other car. A slackened face with open, cloudy eyes is directed at him. Crushed between Loki and a huge tree._

_He stares at the face. It begins to snow harder._

Loki woke with a jolt, breathing heavily and sweating. Ikol jumped up on to his bed and watched him silently. Loki brought his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around himself. He sobbed onto his bare skin and felt a brush of fur against him. He can't go back to sleep. He sat in the darkness, lets the silence make his ears ring. He felt small, utterly alone in the darkness. The face haunts him with every blink. A shiver ran up his spine.

Somehow, his mind goes back to Thor, the dejected look in his eyes after Loki slapped him. Another sob choked him and a wave of guilt wash over him.

"Monster." _  
_


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was asked about the music that inspired me. Well, for this fic the song that sparked it is Save Me by Gotye. Which is a great song and if you haven't heard it you should.

Loki laid on his couch and stared at the ceiling. Ikol sat on his chest, cleaning himself. Loki’s eyes had dark bags under them and his cheeks looked even more suken in than usual. He's nearly sick from lack of sleep.

The nightmares won’t stop lately. You’d think the memories would become less vivid after five years.

Loki jumped at the soft knock on his door, Ikol hopped off his chest with a annoyed mew. Loki checked the clock and cautiously answered the door, opening it just a crack. Thor stood there, tupperware in his hand. They hadn’t spoken to each other in nearly a month, which left Loki even more confused as to why he was doing… whatever this is.

Thor cleared his throat after a moment, tight smile on his lips. “I, uh, noticed… I thought maybe you…” He shook his head and sighed. “I just… I know I probably came on too strong, I can do that sometimes, and I just wanted to say I was sorry. And I kinda noticed that you haven’t looked to well lately, so I thought I’d bring you some soup.” He held up the tupperware and shook it a bit, the contents sloshing around in it.

Loki was taken aback, he would have never thought Thor would speak to him again. If the situation had been reversed he definitely would have acted as though Thor had fallen off the face of the earth. 

And maybe it was the mixture of lack of sleep and utter shock that made him open the door more and invite him in. Maybe it was a bit of guilt. He walked towards the kitchen, Thor following close behind. He stopped suddenly and turned, causing Thor to bump into him. Thor stepped back a bit, but their faces were still almost uncomfortably close. There was that look again, that look that Thor always seemed to turn on Loki and make him feel naked and vulnerable. “Why?”

Thor’s eyebrow twitched upward. “I-I just,” he looked down at the tupperware in his hand and sighed again, “you looked like you could really use some soup.”

Loki stared at him incredulously for another moment before turning around and searching his cabinets for a pot. He finally found it shoved deep into the back of a cabinet he rarely even opened and pulled it out carefully. He went to set the pot on the stove but Thor stopped him, grabbing the handle. His fingers brushed Loki’s lightly. “Let me,” he said with a soft smile. Loki nodded and stepped back, deciding to sit on the edge of the counter a few feet away.

They stayed silent for a while, Loki watching Thor as he stirred the soup with a small smile on his face. Loki was still confused and a bit wary. Maybe it was from being so tired. Thor seemed to just want to be nice to him for some inexplicable reason. People had never just been nice to him for the hell of it, even before the accident and after it Loki had started making sure people didn’t treat him nicely just because.

Thor looked up at him, looking a bit nervous, “I, uh, the soup’s almost done, I can go if you want.”

Before Loki had even taken a moment to think he shook his head. Thor’s eyes lit up and he quickly turned his attention back to the pot with a grin on his face.

Maybe he just needed a distraction for a while. Thor was distracting. His eyes wandered over the blond’s body.

“Bowls?” Loki’s was snapped out of his drifting thoughts by Thor’s voice and he too-quickly jumped off the counter, going to the farthest cabinet and grabbing a couple of bowls and plopping them down on the counter with a clang.

It was the tiredness, he reminded himself. Thor wasn’t even his type. And  _five years_. He wasn’t sure if that particular thought helped him or hurt him as his eyes raked over Thor’s back when he lead him to his pitifully small and rickety dining table. It was a nice back, he had to admit to himself.

Thor set the bowls down carefully and took the seat across from Loki. They were both way too big for the table and chairs, their legs positioned oddly in an attempt to be comfortable. Their knees brushing. Loki leaned back, holding the bowl of soup against his chest, letting the warmth seep into his skin and took a bite. His eyebrows shot up. “This is very good.”

Thor grinned. “Thanks, made it myself.”

Loki’s eyebrows went up a bit higher. “Oh, you didn’t strike me as the cooking type.”

Thor chuckled, “it’s my mother’s fault. I ate so much that one day, when I was 16, she had had enough and told me to cook for my damn self. And eventually, I did. And I happened to like it a lot. I’ve actually been trying to get into culinary school.”

Loki huffed, “I hate cooking. It’s a wonder I manage to do it for a living.” He shoved another spoonful in his mouth, savoring it.

“So, what do you really want to do?”

Loki looked down into his bowl and shrugged. “Haven’t really thought about it.”

“Really?”

Loki nodded, stirring the contents in his bowl, watching as they swirled around.

Thor leaned back, a lopsided grin forming on his face. “You seem like a librarian. Or maybe an owner of a bookstore. One that sells really old and rare books though, not like a Barnes and Noble type of store.”

Loki looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. Thor shrugged, the corner of his mouth curving a bit higher. 

The corner of Loki’s lips quirked up, the closest he’s come to a real smile in a long time. Something stirred in his chest. Something that might be affection, if Loki could feel that even. And a twinge of sadness, foggy memories of a life before this apartment, before his job, before everything happened. He took a deep breath, tried to push them back. “Maybe you’re right.”

Thor looked down into his bowl and cleared his throat.

Loki stared at the top of his blonde head. Maybe Loki had been wrong about Thor.

Ikol suddenly jumped onto the table, startling them both and making them jump in their seats.

—-

“I’m fired!?” His mind felt fuzzy and slick, like it couldn’t quite grip onto what was happening to him fully. “You’re  _firing_  me?”

His boss looked at him pitifully. “I’m sorry Loki, but you’ve been late more and more, and you’ve just been… sloppy lately. I like having you here, it’s hard to find someone who’ll stick around for as long as you have, but I need you to have it together. Whenever you get out of this funk you’re in you can come back, but I just can’t have you here like this. Bye, Loki.” His now ex-boss turned and walked away, leaving him in the corner of the noisy kitchen. He growled, kicking the nearby wall and stomped out the back entrance.

This was _just_  what he needed right now. He took a detour from his usual walk home, finding the nearest liquor store and spending every dollar he had.


	4. Chapter 4

Loki leaned on what he assumed was the doorway and knocked on what he hoped was the door. He knocked as hard as he could, which he quickly regretted as his knuckles throbbed. He got distracted by his aching hand and almost fell backwards, only to be caught by a big warm hand on his arm.

“Loki?” The two Thors said.

Loki giggled and regained his footing. Or tried to at least. Thor had to catch his arm again when he started falling sideways. “Hiya Thor.”

“Loki, are you drunk?” He gently guided him through the door and into his apartment.

Messy, he thought. He tried kicking something out his way and ended up lurching into Thor’s chest. He decided to stay there. It was warm. And smelled nice. “Maybe just a little.”

Thor snatched the 3/4ths empty bottle of whiskey that Loki had somehow forgotten he was holding and held it up. “ _A little?_ ”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Okay,  _more_  than a little.” 

Thor sighed and half dragged Loki to his little beat up futon, plopping him down on to it. “What happened?”

“Nothing. I just thought I’d have a little _fun_ tonight.” He leaned onto Thor’s shoulder resting his chin on it, he idly ran his fingertip up and down Thor’s forearm. He traced his finger up and over Thor's bicep, and he might've made a purring noise.

“Loki,” Thor’s voice was almost pleading, “it’s Tuesday.”

Loki pulled away from him with a huff, crossing his arms over his chest as he once again felt the crushing weight of reality rest on it. “I was fired, alright?” He snapped.

Thor’s eyes widened. “What? Why? Did something happen?”

Loki laughed, cackled, really.  _This_  is why he got shitfaced,  _this_  is why he came to Thor. He wanted to  _forget_  his problems. “Because my life is shit, Thor. I’m shit, so my life is shit. Shit, shit, shit.” He attempted to grab his whiskey back, but Thor held it as far from him as possible. With a snort he climbed onto Thor’s lap and put on the best sultry voice he could muster. “Thor, darling, can I please have my drink back?”

“You’ve had enough for tonight.” He leaned it farther away from Loki.

“Who are you? My mother?  _She_  never even tried to keep me from getting drunk. Give it back.” He reached for the bottle again, but Thor pushed him off his lap, getting up and taking the bottle to the kitchen. Loki managed to stumble in just as Thor drained the bottle down the sink. Loki snarled, “what do you think you’re doing!? That’s mine!” He smacked his fists against Thor’s hard back and then his chest when he turned to face him. Thor grabbed his wrists, holding them firmly as Loki kicked and spat drunken curses at him.

Loki stopped eventually, sagging in his grip and panting for air. They stood there for a moment, silent, Thor’s careful hold on Loki the only thing keeping him off the floor. He looked up at Thor, those damn eyes. He surged up, crushing his lips to Thor’s in a hard, sloppy kiss. Well, if Thor wasn't going to let him get into a alcohol induced stupor, he could at least fuck him. His hands tangled into Thor’s hair, pulling his face harder against his, Thor’s hands a warm, gentle pressure on his shoulders.  Almost as soon as the kiss had started, Thor was pushing him away.

"Oh come on, Thor, I've been fired and now I have no booze. At least fuck my pain away."

Thor pushed him a little farther back. “Loki, no…” He said softly.

Loki growled and punched at Thor’s chest again, tearing himself from Thor’s grip and running out of his apartment. He stumbled down the hallway and the stairs, falling a few times. He ran till he was out of the apartment building and kept running until he was in a park. He only vaguely recognized it in the dark. He staggered around until his legs gave out under him, curling against a tree. He started sobbing. He had managed to fuck up the last half-way decent thing in his life. Thor had actually gave a shit about him for some goddamn reason, so of course that had to be ruined. He shivered as a cold breeze blew through the trees.

He stayed there for a long while, crying and hugging himself and wishing the wind would just blow him away.

A warm hand grabbed his shoulder.

“Loki…”

Thor.

He knelt down next to Loki, turning him gently. Thor was looking at him that way again. And he couldn’t stop himself. 

"You want to know something, Thor?" He took a deep breath, letting cold air fill his lungs.

Thor sat still, just watching Loki, concern etched on his face.

“I killed somebody, Thor." Another sob hicccupped in his throat and he looked down at his hands. "My-my parents told me I was adopted and I was so angry and it was snowing and I was driving too fast and… I killed somebody. I’m a  _monster_ , Thor, I ruin _everything_.”

Thor shook his head and pulled him to his chest. “You’re not a monster, Loki.”

“How can you say that and be so damn sure!? You barely even know me!” He twisted his fist into Thor’s shirt, not sure if he wanted to shove Thor away or pull him closer.

“I know enough to know that," he said softly, patting Loki's hair gently.

“No you _don’t_ ,” he choked out through broken sobs. Thor shushed him, running his hand up and down Loki’s back until his heaving breaths slowed to a more normal pace and the tears had stopped falling.

Thor stood slowly, bringing Loki up with him, “come on, Loki. Let’s get you home.” He kept Loki close to him as the took the long, cold walk back to the building.

—-

Loki felt like he had anvils strapped to his limbs. He leaned heavily onto Thor as he guided him to bed and laid him down. 

Thor took off Loki’s shoes and laid a blanket over him. He was bent over Loki, close to his face as he spoke, “you don’t think you’re gonna puke while you’re sleeping?” Thor’s voice was barely above a whisper.

“No,” Loki croaked. He blinked slowly, his eyelids felt puffy and heavy.

“Good,” Thor pat his hip and moved to straighten up, but Loki stopped him with a hand on his wrist.

“Please don’t go,” Loki’s voice was shaky and small. Thor didn’t say anything, but he sat down on the bed, taking off his shoes before laying down next to Loki and pulling him to his chest. 

Loki’s eyes slid shut, falling asleep to the slow rhythm of Thor’s breathing.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG HI AGAIN. New chapter! So essciting.
> 
> AND I did some tweaking on the first four chapters, ironed out some of the kinks and other good shit. Nothing huge, just some things added and subtracted to make it better.
> 
> Sorry for taking 800 years to update.

Loki's head pounded. His mouth felt gross and paws dug into his back. His blinds were open and the sun shined in his eyes. He whimpered into the pillow. 

This is why he never opened his blinds.

He rolled over, forcing Ikol to hop off him with an annoyed mewl. He was still dressed in his clothes from the day before and that's when yesterday started to come back to him.

He was fired from his job, he got shitfaced, and he was pretty sure he had come on to Thor at some point. He slapped his hands over his face and groaned. He was still fuzzy on what else had happened. He kind of hoped it would stay that way.

First thing, he needed to deal with this headache. He stood up slowly, it still didn't keep his head from spinning, and limped into the bathroom. He squinted when he flicked the light on and almost fell back when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He looked like hell, his eyes dark and sunken in, all thin and gangly, his skin dull and blotchy. He sneered at the reflection. 

"Where the hell did the towel go?" He grabbed another hanging on the rack and flung it on the glass. Feeling slightly better now, he downed a few tylenol and brushed his teeth.

A few minutes later, he shuffled out of the bathroom, his cat trotting in front of him and into the kitchen. Loki stopped when he heard metal clanging and a shout.

"I swear, you are trying to trip me now," Thor grumbled, "damn cat."

Loki pressed his hands to his eyes and tried to remember what had happened after he came on to Thor. Oh god he cried. He fucking  _sobb_ _ed_. He remembered that. He stepped forward and back a few times, unable to decide whether he should go into the kitchen and face Thor, or just run back and try to disappear under his blankets. 

The decision was made for him when Thor stepped out, Ikol weaving between his legs. "Oh, I was just going to check on you..."

They stood and looked at each other awkwardly. Loki shifted his weight from foot to foot, wringing his hands.

Thor smiled softly. "Made you breakfast, it's just eggs and toast, but I figured you could probably use some food. Your hangover must be bad." 

Loki only nodded, a hand automatically going to his hair and raking through it, his hand resting on the nape of his neck.

Thor bit his lip and stepped back into the kitchen, coming back out a moment later with a plate and setting it on the table. He turned back to Loki and shrugged. "I guess I'll go now, since you seem to be feeling better."

Loki nodded again, his hand falling as Thor walked around him. "Thank you," he said quietly, making Thor stop just as he stepped to the door. "And I'm sorry, for last night."

Thor smiled. "You're welcome, and it's alright, really." Thor opened the door, almost stepping out before turning to Loki again, who was making his way to the table before Ikol could snatch any eggs from his plate. "Is there any reason you had a towel hanging on your mirror?"

Loki's hand went to his neck again, itching a scratch that wasn't there. "Just a habit of mine." 

Thor nodded, seeming to accept that for an answer and left, leaving Loki in the silence, which still caused his head to throb. He sat down and poked at his scrambled eggs with his fork, taking small bites. Ikol jumped into his lap, rubbing his head under Loki's chin and meowing softly.

"I kinda like him too," Loki murmured, patting Ikol's side with his free hand.

-

Something had changed between him and Thor. Like there was an understanding that Loki didn't _quite_ understand. It had something to do with that night, Loki knew. 

Thor smiled when their eyes met in the hallway, Loki just stepping into it from the stairway while Thor locked the door of his apartment. "Hey!" He leaned against the frame of the door and smiled crookedly at Loki.

Loki smiled, and it wasn't entirely just to be polite. "Hey. Going out?" He looked pointedly at the helmet in his hand.

Thor nodded. "Just for a ride, it's beautiful tonight. How's the job hunt going?"

Loki thought it was a bit cold. He shrugged. "It's goes, hopefully someone will call me soon." His landlord would only be understanding for so long.

Thor made a face and nodded, they stood quietly in the hallway for a moment. Loki should've walked into his apartment, there was no point in just standing here and staring at each other.

"You want to come with?" Thor asked quietly.

Loki must've looked confused, so Thor clarified. "On my ride?"

Loki shook his head quickly, remembering the first time.

"I promise you won't die. I'll go slow and everything," Thor said with a cheeky grin. Loki wasn't inclined to believe him.

"It'll be fun." Thor added a moment later. "You look like you could use some fun."

"I have _fun_." Loki crossed his arms over his chest. He didn't really believe what he had said and Thor didn't either, if the way his eyebrow quirked up was any indication. "My fun just... quiet."

"Please come have fun with me?" Thor pouted and Loki rolled his eyes. "Please?" He whined.

Loki groaned. " _Fine_." Thor looked absolutely victorious, pumping his fist into the air and Loki groaned again. "Stop that, or I'll change my mind."

Thor calmed down quickly, but his smile was still beaming. Loki went into his apartment to change into something warmer, Thor stood near the door, petting Ikol as he waited.

At least they both had helmets this time, Loki thought as Thor yanked the tarp away and hopped on. He pat the space behind him and Loki got on carefully, keeping a few inches between them. He gingerly held onto Thor's shoulders.

Thor flipped up his visor and turned his head to Loki. "You don't want to die, right?"

Loki nodded.

"Then hang on like you don't want to." He flipped his visor back down.

Loki huffed, fogging the plastic protecting his face and hesitated for a moment before wrapping his arms around Thor's waist. He could feel Thor's laugh rumble in his chest before he started the motorcycle and pulled out. 

Loki clung on, regretting his decision as they weaved through early evening traffic. He shut his eyes tight and hoped Thor wouldn't kill them.

He opened his eyes again when they had stopped and Thor tapped on his hand. 

"You gotta let me go, I need to get some gas."

Loki let go quickly and Thor got off, going to the pump. Loki stood as well, loving the feeling of solid ground again. He looked around, they were just outside the city, tall buildings still stabbing deep into the darkening sky. He wondered a bit if they were actually going somewhere, or if they were just driving aimlessly. He hadn't even realized Thor had gone in to pay until he was coming back out, stuffing a receipt in a pocket and a couple of bottles of water into his jacket and zipping it up.

"What a gentleman," Loki said sarcastically. Thor grinned and winked before pulling his helmet back on.

They were off again and this time Loki felt surprisingly relaxed, even opening his eyes and watching a few stars twinkle into existence in the deep blue sky. they zoomed past open fields filled with nothing but overgrown grass and sparse clusters of trees. It looked prettier at night, he thought.

Thor felt warm, and Loki could feel the steady thumping of his heart against his arm. This felt  _nice_. He was actually enjoying himself. It didn't even feel weird to be this close to Thor. Maybe it was because Thor seemed so comfortable with it. He seemed to not know, or just not care, about personal space.

He often hugged Loki, or more often threw an arm around Loki's shoulders. Loki's not sure exactly at what point it became welcomed and not an annoyance, but he didn't particularly care. He actually  _liked_  being hugged by Thor. He squeezed too hard and sometimes knocked their heads together by accident, but it felt nice. Warm and protective. He sighed happily, fogging his helmet again.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he barely even noticed that they had pulled off on to a dusty side road, driving for a while longer before Thor finally stopped at the top of a tall hill. They left their helmets on the motorcycle and walked a bit into the grass, Thor tossed him one of the bottles from his jacket to Loki before plopping down. Loki cracked the bottle open and sat down next to him, taking a sip. 

Loki swallowed. "Mm, it's warm."

Thor snickered and shook his head. "So  _thankful_."

Loki took another sip. "Oh thank you, most noble Thor. I would've perished if it weren't for the water you carried against your body for the  _long, arduous_  trip."

Thor cackled, smacking Loki on the shoulder hard. "I think that is the first joke I've ever heard you say! I kind of thought you were incapable of it."

Loki could feel himself blush. He smiled as he took another sip and screwed the cap back on, setting the bottle down beside him. Thor's laughter calmed down to a chuckle before finally going quiet. They watched the sky for a while in silence. Loki could see in the corner of his eye Thor turning his head to look at him from time to time.

"So," Loki said softly, "is this where you bring people you're trying to woo?"

Thor snorted, " _sometimes_." He laid down, pillowing his head on his arms. "But mostly I come here all by myself."

Loki, unable to resist, turned and looked at Thor, his eyes going up and down Thor's body all stretched out beside him. He felt flustered when Thor caught his gaze.

Thor smirked. "It is a good place for  _wooing_  though, isn't it?"

"Maybe." Loki quickly turned away and snatched his bottle, taking another drink to give himself a distraction.

They went quiet again, and eventually Loki didn't feel like a nervous idiot. Thor sat up, looping his arms around his knees and craning his head back to look at the stars.

"It is pretty out tonight," Loki said, wanting to break the silence.

"It is." Thor looked over at Loki, his smile and voice soft and low. "Thanks for coming with me."

"Thanks for convincing me." Loki smiled, his fingers drumming on his legs. "And thanks for ... I don't even know what." His hand twitched, he felt a phantom itch on his neck that his hand quickly slapped away.

"You're welcome." Thor watched Loki for a long moment, while he tried not to scratch at the random itches all over his skin. Thor stood, making Loki jump.

He held his hand out to Loki. "Hungry?" 

Loki nodded and grabbed Thor's hand, allowing himself to be pulled up. Thor's hand lingered, his fingertips leaving trails on Loki's skin before pulling away.

They drove to a diner farther out, it smelled like grease and gasoline and burnt coffee. Thor devoured two of the biggest and greasiest burgers Loki had laid his eyes on, along with a small mountain of fries. Loki had pancakes, which were massive as well, he only managed to get down about a quarter of his short stack before throwing his napkin in. Thor stole a few bites and threw a few bills on the table and pulled Loki away before he could put up a fuss about it. 

"I could've paid for my food," he said grumpily as he watched Thor sit on the bike.

"You can buy me lunch sometime to pay me back." Thor said, pushing his helmet over his head and effectively ending the argument. Loki huffed, shoving  his helmet back on and climbing behind Thor.

It had gotten colder, now that it was late, and Loki felt like his hands were going to break off. He should've brought gloves. He didn't have gloves, he reminded himself. Thor must've read his mind, or felt Loki trying to wring some warmth back into his icy fingers, because he quickly shoved Loki's hands into his jacket. Loki chuckled and gladly soaked up the heat from Thor's chest. His shirt was very soft, too.

Loki couldn't help but smile as they walked up the stairs to get to their floor. He felt lighter than he had in a long time even though his limbs felt heavy and sleepy. Thor's shoulder felt warm as it bumped into his. They stood, in the middle of the of the hall, in front of their doors, smiling at each other.

Thor leaned forward a bit before straightening back up. Loki wondered if Thor was going to kiss him, his stomach flipped at the thought.

Instead, Thor grabbed his hand, squeezing it gently and rubbing his thumb over the back of his hand. "Thank you for coming with, again. I had great time."

Loki felt a twinge of disappointment, but it was easily stamped out by his happiness and Thor's gentle grip on his hand. He smiled easily, even though it made his face hurt a bit. "I did too. Thank you."

Thor grinned, giving Loki's hand one more squeeze before releasing it and turning to his door. Loki followed suit.

He practically burst in, tossing his keys and coat aside and carelessly throwing his clothes around as he peeled them off. He flopped onto his bed face first, making Ikol jump and mew at him. He smothered his smile in his pillow. He felt like he'd just gone on a really good date. Ikol crawled beside him and meowed again.

Loki moved to look at his cat. "I think I  _really_  like him, Ikol."

He meowed as if to say "told you so."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had most of this written yesterday. Then, last night my computer went asdgtfvycifc before I saved. So I had to rewrite it from memory. It's not as good as it was the first time. 
> 
> I feel like I should say sorry.
> 
> The next chapter will be better.

Loki shuffled to his door, his arms felt heavy as he shoved the key into the lock. He thought being a cook was terrible. He was wrong, being a cashier managed to be even worse. It didn’t help that his new manager seemed to enjoy making Loki restock the the heaviest items on the highest shelves every chance that Loki wasn’t busy. Loki even caught him out of the corner of his eye laughing as Loki hoisted a box over his head earlier.

“Hey stranger.” Thor leaned against the wall and smiled brightly at Loki.

Loki couldn’t help but smile back, ignoring the key hanging from his door. “Hey.”

“Since you look like you feel half dead, I assume the job hunt was successful?”

Loki shrugged. “I guess successful is a word for it.” Loki opened his coat, revealing a cheap green vest and a name tag with a cartoonish version of the sun on it. “I am now a cashier and occasionally forced to be a stock boy.”

“Stock boy?” Thor looked him over and furrowed his brows. “Are they trying to see if you’ll snap in half?”

Loki dropped his hand and scowled. That stung a bit, even if it was true. “I manage.”

Thor shrugged. “So, I’m having some friends over tonight, nothing too rowdy, just having some beers and pizza, and I was wondering if you’d maybe like to join us?” Thor looked at him hopefully.

Loki was tired. And sore. And he wasn’t really up for meeting new people. But being around Thor sounded wonderful.

“ _Maybe._ ”

Thor smiled brightly. “Great! I’m sure you’ll hear them when they come, so you can just come over anytime.” Thor walked back to his door, Loki following him with his eyes before finally turning the key and going inside his own apartment.

He suddenly felt less tired than before.

-

Loki heard laughter and stomping out side his door as he squeezed the water from his hair with a towel. He tossed it aside and slipped on a pair of jeans and a relatively clean long sleeved t shirt. He picked off a few cat hairs that clung to it and noticed how far out his collarbones jutted out. He cringed. He’d always been willowy, but this was a bit much. 

He sighed and half-heartedly promised himself he’d eat more before putting on his socks and shoes. Ikol leaned against his leg and meowed softly, Loki took a moment to scratch his head before getting up and pouring some food out for him. He brushed his hands off and walked out, deciding to leave the door unlocked since he was only going to be feet away.

He knocked on Thor’s door after a moment of hesitation. He could hear a chorus of oohs and hooting laughter, then a few loud stomps before the door swung open.

Thor’s cheeks were a bit red. “Hey-hello Loki.” The greeting tumbled awkwardly off Thor’s tongue and he cringed. 

Loki smiled. “Hello to you too.”

There was a beat of silence as Thor stared at him. 

Loki cleared his throat. “Can I come in?”

Thor shook himself, mumbling something and opening the door to let Loki through. A movie played quietly on Thor’s old, dusty tv, completely ignored by everyone in the room. Loki vaguely recognized the three men, but the woman sitting cross-legged on the floor was new to him. 

“Everyone, this is Loki.” Thor smiled and pat him on the back. Loki waved as everyone murmured their hellos. Thor mumbled something about getting Loki something to drink and quickly walked away, leaving Loki alone with his friends.

The woman sighed and rolled her eyes. “Since Thor is so good with introductions,” she said loudly in the direction that Thor had went, “I’m Sif, and this is Volstagg, Hogun and Fandral.” Each of the men nodded as their names were called off.

Volstagg patted the empty couch space next to him. “Come on and sit!”

Loki did, carefully placing himself at the end of the couch.

“It’s nice to finally meet you. Thor talks about you  _constantly_ ,” Sif said before taking a sip of her beer. 

“Really?”

“Oh yeah,” Fandral answered, “ever since he first met you.”

“I remember you, you were the waiter,” Hogun added quietly. Fandral nodded.

Loki’s mouth hung open, unable to think of any sort of response.

Thor sat down next to Loki suddenly, placing a cold can of beer in his hands. “I ordered the pizza while I was in there.”

Sif grinned. “So, Loki, Thor was telling us that he took you for a ride on Mjolnir the other night. Was it fun?”

Loki brushed a fallen hair off his face, his eyes darting to Thor as he answered. “It was really fun, actually.”

Thor smiled and Sif sighed dramatically. “I’m jealous. Thor doesn’t let  _anyone_  even touch it, let alone ride it. Not even me, and we’ve been friends since we were toddlers.”

Loki was left speechless again and Thor focused his attention on the mouth of his beer. Volstagg laughed and slapped Thor on the back hard, jerking him forward.

Fandral smirked at Loki. “ _You_  must be special.”

Thankfully, the conversation moved on, focusing on everyone else’s relationships. Thor’s friends seemed nice and Loki felt fairly comfortable around them quickly. But it was hard to keep up with the conversation when he was acutely aware of how close Thor was to him, their knees and shoulders occasionally bumping together. There was a knock on the door and Thor jumped up to answer it, coming back a few moments later with three greasy boxes. He automatically handed one to Volstagg and set the other two onto the cluttered coffee table, pushing a few empty beer cans aside.

Loki was only halfway through his first piece when Thor placed two more on the napkins spread out on his lap. Loki gave him a confused look.

Thor leaned in and spoke in a low voice. “You have to eat faster if you don’t want to starve.”

Loki noticed the others going in for more pizza, leaving the boxes nearly empty. “Oh. Thanks.”

Thor laughed softly, taking another bite out of his pizza. 

Later, when the empty boxes were tossed aside and the movie had played through. Loki felt too full and warm from the beer. He needed to sleep.

Everyone laughed at something Volstagg had just said as Loki stood. “I think I should be getting to bed now. I have to go to work early tomorrow.”

Thor shot up from his seat. “I’ll walk you.” He turned and glared when his friends snickered.

Loki felt Thor’s hand on his back as they walked, gently guiding him to the door and leading him out.

Thor shut the door behind him, leaning against it and smiled softly. “Thanks for coming. Did you have fun?”

Loki nodded. “Yeah, actually. Your friends are pretty nice.”

Thor pushed himself away from the door, standing closer to Loki. “That’s good, I know they can be a bit…  _overwhelming_ … sometimes.”

“They don’t seem that bad.”

Thor let out a little sigh of relief and Loki laughed, mostly out of nerves. 

Thor stood closer, fidgeting and combing his fingers through his hair. “So, um…”

Loki leaned in, his eyebrows rising slightly as he waited for Thor to continue.

“Are you doing anything friday night?”

Loki felt his stomach flip and his heartbeat sped up. “No…”

“Would you, maybe, like to come over to my place and have dinner then?” Thor raked his fingers through his hair again, resting his hand on the back of his neck.

Loki couldn’t stop the grin that spread across his face. “Like a  _date_  kind of dinner?”

Thor shrugged, scratching his neck. “Yeah. If you want it to be.”

Loki nodded. “I’d like that.”

Thor shoved his hands into his hands in to his jean pockets, he looked like he was trying to keep his excitement at bay. “Really? Great! Does eight work for you?”

“It’s perfect.” Loki wanted to jump up and down, but he managed to keep his feet on the ground. 

“Wonderful. Awesome.” Thor shook his head and laughed. “Okay, um, I guess I’ll go back now. See you friday, then.”

Loki nodded. Watching as Thor walked backwards to his door, bumping into it and fumbling for the knob before finally opening it.

Thor reluctantly stepped into his apartment. “Goodnight, Loki.” 

“Goodnight,” Loki said softly, finally going through his own door when Thor shut his. He heard Thor’s friends whooping a moment later and he didn’t stop himself from letting out a high-pitched yelp and jumping. Ikol meowed loudly and Loki sat on the ground, picking the cat up and putting him in his lap. 

He hugged his cat close, burying his face in the soft fur on his neck. “I am so happy right now.”


End file.
